I'm lying to myself as this would be the only way..

Hmm.. Its have already been month since we broke up.. but I still can't forget her.. Maybe It's just me..

Well.. This is the first time I really love someone.. So I'm trying to be as serious as I can be, maybe because of that I still can't forget her.. Now.. I'm trying to cover my real feelings.. It hurts, but its for her good.. For she still love "him" so much, I won't want to add any more pressure for her.. For she's still young, naive person.. I hope she will find her way out one day..

Today, My friends told me something that she told him.. Something that make my heart question.. she said, "we broke up and it's not my fault, so I don't feel anything.." I was shocked.. Ok.. Maybe it is my fault.. Haiy.. Sometimes, looking at her picture makes me miss her even more.. The "R" she gave me.. I couldn't bare to even put it away from me.. I guess I just being stupid..

Pretending to laugh infront of her, pretending that I'm ok without her, pretending that I'm still that one person she meet before, pretending that I like another girl.. It does HURT.. But I know if I don't do this, I might make her life much more miserable, and since her semester is so near.. I won't want to add any more pressure for her.. for she still love that kid in Sibu.. I know I have lost since the beginning.. People ask me why I don't hate her, yet I still care so much for her.. All I can answer is.. I do hate her but deep inside.. I know I can't.. No matter what I do.. I won't be able to hate her.. I still want to care for her.. Like I always do..

~Yan~
I'm sorry..