Long enough.. No one will read this blog liao kua..

Yeah it have been nearly a year.. Just now, I went thru my old blog.. frostmourne.. Well Yeah.. It have been the most memorialble blog i ever have.. Well all the thing i use to say.. Even what I promise her.. I still haven't... I mean like... It's.. Haiy.. I promise her forever.. N i still rmb it so clearly that she say forever is never true.. Well... I'm still here.. N u know.. this n that.. So ciken one la.. Saying bout me? Yeah I tried so many ways.. I even force myself to like a girl I OBVIOUSLY don't.. N shitly, I still can't.. WHY?!!! Ish...

Going on with my story, haiyz.. Yeah I can know she still trying to evade me.. and yeah that's like so ofcourse.. Coz I know my stupid feelings still there... but no worries.. I STOPPED myself from passing the limits liao.. and guess what.. I decided not to fall in love anymore.. Yeah, though i owes wanted to have a gf.. but that ain't gonna happen.. All bcoz of this stupid love thingy..

And well, yeah at times I still can have a CLEAR flashback on the time we're together.. I have no idea why also.. If i can rmb sej like that.. I will GET AN A!! For heaven sake.. Lol.. So bloody one.. N so, everything have change.. I rarely talk to her anymore.. ( force myself not to ) rarely have any conver bout her liao.. I don't know la.. What if I am able to keep my promise till I give out my last breathe? Will she ever know? Forever.. I guess that promise I still can't break..

And know what, I ever trying to picture her face like faridah but... It aint working.. Maybe coz Its not her look I'm after.. It's her.. Her true self.. Frankly, I'm still trying to figure out what I done wrong.. I nvr cheat on her, I nvr smoke but drink abit la, then I nvr mix with bad ppl, nvr lie to her.. Maybe tho sometimes i might bully her.. Maybe I didnt give her a a place to breath.. I stick to her like glue man.. So Idiotic.. Blah... Well too late knowing it now.. Even if she does come back to me, I don't think i can even loves her anymore.. I been thru too much.. I been thru alot.. I had enuf.. but why i still loves her?! blah...

nvm.. as long I stay away.. I'm safe.. Yes.. That would be my main key of success!! Lol.... Beside.. m i reli that bad?? or bad looking..? Can't I get any credit for being me? Nah.. don't thiink I will..
k la.. Last dip of ink.. Cya~

~22/4/07~
Sunday...
I'm rather sad now actually.. but i know I must keep on smiling, or there will be no tomoro for me.. Hahaha..
D.A.Y!

Charmy.. ^^

Hey, what happen the other day.. I didn't expect it.. Haha.. You gave me a shock of my life.. Thought we just meet for less then a year your really a girl full of surprises.. Haha.. Seriously, I don't know what to say but I would want to say Yes, I do! Haha.. Urm, I'm not gonna continue any futher.. Bluek! Haha.. See you around dear! ^^

Ryuuku,
Miss you ^^

cause I was born to tell you I love you

Hmm.. I don't know why I would have the time to come and blog. I just simply love secondhand serenade, It's just nice.. Just like the song last call and maybe, just remind me of the time I was.. Naive.. Haha.. Now I learnt that love don't just being aquire and just let go because love is something so simple that we want it to be so complicated. Maybe I have think too much into this before. Couldn't sleep, no appetite, moodless all this i have been through but why is this happening? Well I guess it's just simple, I'm practically couldn't accept the fact that.. That I'm being "let go" and I'm actually trying to make someone's life so hard for doing so or in other word I'm just selfish.

A few song I have written..

Gone…

I used to be so bundle up with problems,
And I always be able counter it all,
And stand back strong,
When there is her…

I used to held all my pain in my heart,
And when I felt like breaking,
I always able to ease it away,
When there is her…

But now it seems everything just not right,
When she’s gone,
Gone from my life…

*Breaking down,
Wanted a hand to hold,
Found nothing but emptiness inside of me.
Crash and burn,
Trying to stand strong,
Act my way out,
In the end just to find she’s gone,
Gone forever from my life…

I used to gain all my confidences,
And able to cope with everything,
And still move on,
When there is her…

But now everything just not in place,
Ripping my heart apart,
Damned my whole life,
When she is no more to be there,
By my side coz…
She’s gone…
Gone from my sight…

**Today I was so badly hurt,
Lying on the little corner,
Looking around searching for that missing part,
The one that ease my pain…
Till I realize…
That missing part is you…

Confused… With my feelings…

So hard to decide,
Which one will be mine?
Will it be her?
Or will it be she?

I just hit the button,
And all things gone so smooth,
Till I realize,
Something just not right…

This feeling just not right,
Holding me back,
Forcing me to think of the past,
To the one I truly loved…

*I think I loved her more then her,
Cause that’s my feeling telling me so,
But when I truly ask my heart,
It reply another…
Then I realize I still can’t let her go,
I’m just confused,
Confused with my feelings…

Nothing I can do,
Listening to the rhythm of my heart,
Nothing I can fake,
My true love lies within her…

I’m So Sorry…

This I couldn’t know what best,
Should I keep up the acting?
Or should I just give in,
To the mistakes I made.

Every night I stare at the lonely sky,
Only to think of my past,
Couldn’t make it go away,
Till I realize she’s no more by my side.

I tried to be someone I’m not,
When we were together,
To not know what best for her,
I failed myself to her…
And to myself…

^Now regretting everything,
Not wanting to have everything back,
But to say I’m sorry…

*I just wanted to say I love you,
Coz I’m still madly in love with you,
I’d have know what been done can’t be undone,
Now just wanted forgiveness from you,
Till then I will walk away,
Away from here…

I thought loving you with all my heart,
Would last your love for me forever,
Now it seems I’m just wrong,
So wrong it kills away our friendship away.

I regret all this happening,
Shouldn’t have say yes,
I felt disgusted by how I treated you before,
I’m so sorry…

Go back to ^

Silent winter

Sat here in my empty room,
My phone kept silent the whole night.
Shouldn’t have been like this,
When I’m suppose to enjoy this Christmas.

I never thought I can be so lonely,
Not even a single greeting,
Not even from the one I loved,
Just so empty like a soul-less body.

Misery taken over me,
Loneliness is my companion for the winter,
But I just don’t know why…

One mistake takes it all,
(All away from me)
For me to lives in this cold,
(Cold and silent winter)
Couldn’t change the fact you’re gone,
(Lost…)
Writing this song to ease my loneliness…
(Loneliness of losing you)

I went down to the Christmas tree,
Santa did came after all,
All the present distributed around,
But my heart tell me,
Something is still missing…

A warmth feeling that I once own,
A comfort when I’m in pain,
Something that I treasure most,
Now lost in this Silent winter…
The warmth feeling of Love now covered in ice…

This… I will always remember

From the first day I fall in love,
The feeling just so right,
It felt so comfortable and warmth,
Something that men will not resists.

The touch of your hands,
Enlighten my day,
And a simple Hi from your lips,
Make my days lasted.

Thought now your not here anymore,
Not that I ask for more,
Just wanted this feeling to last,
Cause this feeling I will get no more,
All those memories,
This… I will always remember…
Everyday I look at the midnight sky,
Thinking everything is just so perfect,
Though sometimes my heart aches,
But I’m not regretting,
Cause…
What you’re gave me I will always remember…

Maybe this chapter have ended,
Holding this love may seem stupid,
But this… I will always remember…

Sometimes.. Stars will always remain as stars..

Today I lay myself down,
next to my window glass,
Watching the sun subside,
and moon replacing the sun.

Silent began to close my ears,
and Light begins to fade away.
I'm begin to shiver in fear,
Slowly losing,
the feeling of warmth and tender.

My adrenaline rushes,
Blood rushes to my brain,
I close my eyes tightly and pray,
as Darkness consume my soul.

Suddenly I felt relief,
floating gently across my bed,
Two hands wrap around my waist,
and wings shell-ed me.

When I open my eyes,
nothing but bright light around me,
All I can see or what I can feel,
I feel warmth and safe.

HE whisper into my ears,
my heart stop beating for a few second,
Lungs suffocated and tears begins to fall,
not knowing whether is Joy or Fear..

An angel have came to me,
as my prayers being answered,
Father in Heaven came to me,
and save me using his "own"

As the sun rises,
I see HIM walking away,
I fainted right that instant,
and never to feel the same way again..

3 words..

The three words that linked us all,

and the three words that lied to all our hearts,

The three words that make our day,

and also crushed our hearts.

Being said so many times,

being repeated by the same "I"

Does it not bring any meaning,

the meaning of what we once care.

So easy to be said,

so hard to be done,

So easy to memorize,

yet so hard to keep it alive..

True love hardly exist anymore,

yet love is being phrase wherever we go,

Those 3 words that leads to pain and joy,

Just as simple as 123..

Say it when u mean it,

Say it when u need it,

Say it ONLY when u believe in it,

only by then,

Love can be revive..

Secret Tear Scars Forever, While True Love We Musn't Let Go

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep?
When we cry?
When we imagine?
When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in the world
are unseen.
We are all a little weird
and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,we join up with them
and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.
A great love..
It's when you shed tears and still you care for him,
it's when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another
and yet you still smile and say I'm happy for you.
If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it,
but when love dies,you never have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.
Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.
A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock
and says can I come in?
Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away
while secret tears scar forever.
In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.
There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they'd be happier if we let go.
It's best to wait for the one you want
than settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.
Sometimes the one you love
turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you
into his arms and cries when you cry
turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
If you really love someone never let go,
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,that's what true love is.
Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go through life without it.

*This poem really brought a lot of meanings to us,
alot of thing that wasn't told when we first set out.
And now written on the face of a full-ed moon,
We sat by here reading the scripture,
The scripture written for the name of Love itself.. Quoted by Yan Ng..

Today is Chap Goh Meh

What a day I would have call. In the morning I went to church, afternoon tuition and at night I got my chap goh meh Dinner. We're having a garden party at my house, we got steamboats and even fried section done by our chef, Mr. Alvin.. And so, the food was awesome.. My mother spent the whole afternoon making it all.. Splendid I would have say..
When we starts to play firecrackers.. The canon type.. Tan's father have come out and complain to us that we frighten the dog where our neighbour is playing the exact same thing and they keep playing till 10++ How sux..
I was bored that time so I sat down outside with my bestiest, Laptop.. Haha.. With wireless connection.. She's my best.. XD So I was on my internet while enjoying the flying crackers.. but then.. I felt.. I felt lonely.. Like there is something missing.. I look at my phone, few messages, I look at my msger, Charmaine playing pm game with me.. Okay.. but the thing is.. I'm feeling.. Lonely.. Like there's just something.. Something Just not right.. Something missing from my life.. It just frighten me.. I feel so horrible, like my heart being pierce by a wicked tortured dagger.. That drills in and out of my hearts.. I tried to seek for the answer but it just not there.. And when look into the sky, I suddenly thought of her.. And it just stays there and never to go away.. And from there on, I knew excatly what's the answer was..

Now I can life my old life.. I think..

My 178days,

Ah~ Now everything feels so much lighter.. Cause my days on that love was way long.. I used to not get enough sleep because of the dreams I keep getting late at night because of her.. Feeling so miserable because of missing her, feeling so depressed when she just walk away, feeling so sick when she just angry at you.. It's like everything matters.. So badly it hurts till my very heart and soul.. and now everything coming to an end.. Wah, even the first day of Pmr.. I was still wondering whether is she coming to say goodluck or not.. Apprently she didn't and made me so moodless the whole freaking Bm test.. Chis.. This prove how powerful is love to make someone lose their mind and lose control..

And now Valentine is so near, should I or should I not decide to find a new Gf? Someone told me today, "Don't treat someone so well, cause by the time u find a new one you will regret doing all this for that someone.." Maybe she is right.. and I do need a close companion sometimes.. Cause now everytime I'm sad or depressed.. There is no more sound where this person come and cheer me up.. but I just can't take the fact of getting a new gf and being dump again.. It really hurt and I know I will never love another girl like this anymore.. Which mean my coming love will just be a normal love.. Nothing more special bout it.. Yet I'm afraid I might hurt that girl... Everything is link.. and now I'm thinking whether should I or should I not get a gf.. Maybe just not.. maybe..

"Change for the better, live for the mightiest, and triumph over the pasts" My Quote for today..

~Ryuuku~

I miss those days.. When we're sitting under that freaking shelther, cursing that freaking you know what.. Haha..

My replies said:

Now you have mention it, I do miss those days..

Reli I do..

KFC Day, then devil's day.. Then still go on..

Haha..

Your right.. I prefer being your daddy more.. Haha..

Can bully you more.. Wahahaha~

Then kena pinch pinch back..

Swt.. *Snap* Haha..

And the two finger gesture.. Haha..

So long lo never see you do..

Maybe cause we rarely talk even..

And to know it now it's not really that late ey..

Well off we go the melboury bush.. the melboury bush.. Haha..

So.. Can we be friends again? Best friend I mean..

Pinky? Haha.. Im so kiddish..

Start all over again like 3 years ago you were hanging on to the tiang.. Haha..

I still rmb the face of yours when u found out im cikgu Lucy's son..

So damn freaking funny.. and Lina volunteer to invite me to the dinner..

*whoosh* Snap snap.. Haha..

Just forget bout the past yeah.. Like you said..

P.A.S.T

Positively As DE Suckiest Thing.. Haha..

Distance is a scalar( measure-able )

Can be change one ma.. Minus minus the distance..

Haha.. No more lo right? Hehe..

Your are my sunshine,

my only sunshine,

you made me happy when skies are grey..

You never know dear,

How much I love you,

so please don't take my sunshine away.. XD

Er.. wrong song.. Haha..Janji la shine kan? XD

Wah.. Banyak I tulis liao..

Hehe.. Buai-buai..

Ryuuku~ Yan Ng! XD

For this love..

Why can’t you just take me back as the one you love?

Why..? I couldn’t understand,
For I have truly love you with all my heart,
Till my very bones,
My heart beats till the ocean beds could hear...
But why can’t you...

Maybe for you I’m nothing...
Just another boy in your life that likes you,
And when you start to love another,
Could you imagine how sorrow and bitter my heart encounters?

But I guess you and I know well,
We’re off and never to bound again...
Maybe this feeling of mine to you meant nothing at all...
Nor the single attachment could be found.

Maybe I just meant nothing to you,
Not even a place in your very heart...
And when you turn around and leave,
It hurts even though you just turn for a glimpse..

If you can just know how much you mean to me,
I’ll just silently walk away..
Until the day you began to notice me again..

FallenAngel..

Sob..

I flunk my addmaths.. it's so stupid.. I don't know what to do now.. I'm feeling so frus !!! Why!! I punch that freaking wall till my hand hurts edi.. Yan!! Why r u so stupid?! Can't you be any smarter?! It's just simple addmaths.. It just functions!! Fg(x)=2x+1 nia ma.. This one is so easy and how come I don't know how to do.. I Flunked !! I Flunked badly!!

..

Yan, just go die.. you good for nothing boy..

..

sob..

Ryuuku..